Dear Blog,
I have to apologise on my neglect on you. I have been rather too busy with life to come in and drop you a visit. I cannot promise when my next visit will be, but i do hope i make a point to come in often. So that you won't feel so neglected and left out of my life.
I have began to think about my life again. Ever since i return from Melbourne, i have been on a roller coaster ride of my life. I realise that i am thinking more often, whenever i'm alone and whenever i see people in my life, leaving me. I suddenly feel so lonely, so empty inside. Guess in the end, we all end up lonely. I think, somehow... We will end up alone.
I know, i usually don't write such emo stuff in my blog, but it's still something i feel that i should get out of my chest. With my work being so stressful and pressing me night and day, i feel like i'm gonna split into two any moment. I'm being pulled at all corners and i have this feeling i'll one day give up everything and just walk. The person whom i thought i could rely on, may not be the one whom i believe so. Maybe one day she will realise my importance... But for now, i really need her to be there for me. Be there for me, to pick me up and carry me on. And i will be there for her, returning back the effort she has put in and more. As i believe, the girl whom chooses me, will be someone whom i will spend the rest of my life with.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Dreams...
My friends always ask me what is my dream car? My dream girl? My dream job? But nobody actually asked me what my dream is? Not even my parents asked me what my dream is in life. So when i watched a episode of Glee, where one of my favourite comedian, Neil Patrick Harris, was a guest star. In that episode, he was out to destroy the dreams of the students when he could not fulfill his own.
That set me out to think... What is my dream? Or what was my dream? I shall start when i was in my junior days...
Then, i was only 11 years old. At a mere age, i knew i was infatuated with technology. Computers, electronics, TV, radio, etc. My dream at age 11 was to be a scientist. My role in this world would be to create new technologies that would benefit mankind, make things better in life for everyone and bring joy to the world. That was 14 years ago...
At age 14, my dreams were more focused. I realized i cannot be part of everything, we can only be good at one thing and average at everything else. I was deep into gaming. Weekends was burnt playing games at home. I spent all i had on gaming, even though it meant i had to go hungry in school. So what i dreamt to be? I wanted to the part of a team to develop a game played by gamers worldwide and be proud that it came from an island called Singapore and not from the US or Japan or Europe. My teacher laughed at me, telling me that there are so many games available in this world, why would i want to be in that. I told her, in five years time, working adults will be paying money to play games. That was 10 years ago...
The day i arrived at 21, i looked back on all i have done. And i came to realize again that i have drifted so far from my dream that i have no way of coming back. So i shifted my dream again. This time, i had more of a practical view in life. I wanted to make my first $1 million. I wanted to return the favour given to me by my parents for the past 20 years. As dreams are meant to be a target in life, i begin by spending close to $200k on my degree overseas. What irony... That was four years ago...
Now... As i watched the show and look back on my life... I've again changed my dream in life. For now, my dreams have led me down the road i've been taking. My love for technology has not changed, i got my Degree in IT and i loved computers, IT gadgets and became a part-time geek. My passion for gaming has not changed as well... I'm more practical as i don't burn weekends gaming. I'll just drool that the games that i cannot play and be satisfied by the ones i have. Lastly, my dream to earn my first $1 million is on the way as i learn about saving, investment and financial control over my finances. It's not fulfilled yet, but it's coming well along the way.
So now what is my dream?? My dream now is to find a loving wife, be a loving and faithful husband, a listening and ever-caring father. That's my next dream... Whether will i ever fulfill this dream, it's really hard to say... I'll just have to see how my future unfolds.
That set me out to think... What is my dream? Or what was my dream? I shall start when i was in my junior days...
Then, i was only 11 years old. At a mere age, i knew i was infatuated with technology. Computers, electronics, TV, radio, etc. My dream at age 11 was to be a scientist. My role in this world would be to create new technologies that would benefit mankind, make things better in life for everyone and bring joy to the world. That was 14 years ago...
At age 14, my dreams were more focused. I realized i cannot be part of everything, we can only be good at one thing and average at everything else. I was deep into gaming. Weekends was burnt playing games at home. I spent all i had on gaming, even though it meant i had to go hungry in school. So what i dreamt to be? I wanted to the part of a team to develop a game played by gamers worldwide and be proud that it came from an island called Singapore and not from the US or Japan or Europe. My teacher laughed at me, telling me that there are so many games available in this world, why would i want to be in that. I told her, in five years time, working adults will be paying money to play games. That was 10 years ago...
The day i arrived at 21, i looked back on all i have done. And i came to realize again that i have drifted so far from my dream that i have no way of coming back. So i shifted my dream again. This time, i had more of a practical view in life. I wanted to make my first $1 million. I wanted to return the favour given to me by my parents for the past 20 years. As dreams are meant to be a target in life, i begin by spending close to $200k on my degree overseas. What irony... That was four years ago...
Now... As i watched the show and look back on my life... I've again changed my dream in life. For now, my dreams have led me down the road i've been taking. My love for technology has not changed, i got my Degree in IT and i loved computers, IT gadgets and became a part-time geek. My passion for gaming has not changed as well... I'm more practical as i don't burn weekends gaming. I'll just drool that the games that i cannot play and be satisfied by the ones i have. Lastly, my dream to earn my first $1 million is on the way as i learn about saving, investment and financial control over my finances. It's not fulfilled yet, but it's coming well along the way.
So now what is my dream?? My dream now is to find a loving wife, be a loving and faithful husband, a listening and ever-caring father. That's my next dream... Whether will i ever fulfill this dream, it's really hard to say... I'll just have to see how my future unfolds.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Cause and Effect Theory
I've never believed in any theory as much as "Cause and Effect Theory". It's a very simple theology that tells us mortals that what we do, comes with an effect. If i drink too much water, i'll have to go to the toilet. If i study hard for the exam, i'll pass and score well. It's that simple... But sometimes, they just doesn't apply to everything in life.
From young, i believed in that... I worked hard to get what i want. When i know my goal, i'll work towards it no matter how hard i have to. It is very obvious in the awards, the achievements and the skills i have in life. But past and recent events have shown me that some things are just not that simple. Everything does have it's causes and effects. It just depends on the different causes that comes together. That is very obvious between relationships between any two persons.
Any form of relationship between two living objects have their causes. Parents decided to have children therefore they find themselves waking up in the middle of the night feeding them. Teachers with dreams of changing lives being blockade by the tons of paper work she has to do. Or simply someone who cause an effect on another person to change their mind and perception of herself so as to swindle their hard-earn cash from them.
No matter how you see this world, there is always a cause and effect. Simple theory to understand, yet takes a lifetime to accept. For the cause of death is the effect of life itself. It is up to us to decide what we want, and cause an effect to happen.
From young, i believed in that... I worked hard to get what i want. When i know my goal, i'll work towards it no matter how hard i have to. It is very obvious in the awards, the achievements and the skills i have in life. But past and recent events have shown me that some things are just not that simple. Everything does have it's causes and effects. It just depends on the different causes that comes together. That is very obvious between relationships between any two persons.
Any form of relationship between two living objects have their causes. Parents decided to have children therefore they find themselves waking up in the middle of the night feeding them. Teachers with dreams of changing lives being blockade by the tons of paper work she has to do. Or simply someone who cause an effect on another person to change their mind and perception of herself so as to swindle their hard-earn cash from them.
No matter how you see this world, there is always a cause and effect. Simple theory to understand, yet takes a lifetime to accept. For the cause of death is the effect of life itself. It is up to us to decide what we want, and cause an effect to happen.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
400th post! Whoah~~~
Didn't realize that this would be my 400th post, ever since i started this online blogging to keep track of my life. I wonder how are my friends keeping up with my blogging... Not a lot to type since i'm not doing much nowadays, i'm now part of the working people, part of the contributing generation.
This is the period where financial status is an issue. There is no more income or allowance and there is still expenses to pay. I'm in desperate need of a good paying job to plug my expenditure. It's never easy for me to ask for money from my parents, since i told myself never to ask them for money ever since i enlisted to the army. It isn't nice and it should be time where i should start contributing to the family as well. Learning to curb my spending, eating more at home and less outside and spending on the necessary then splurging on the luxuries.
That's about it for now... 400th post and this is all i come up with?!?! I'm beginning to feel real bad for this milestone.
This is the period where financial status is an issue. There is no more income or allowance and there is still expenses to pay. I'm in desperate need of a good paying job to plug my expenditure. It's never easy for me to ask for money from my parents, since i told myself never to ask them for money ever since i enlisted to the army. It isn't nice and it should be time where i should start contributing to the family as well. Learning to curb my spending, eating more at home and less outside and spending on the necessary then splurging on the luxuries.
That's about it for now... 400th post and this is all i come up with?!?! I'm beginning to feel real bad for this milestone.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Starting Another Chapter
Life chapters are not easy to start... They begin with you doing something new, something that you might look forward to or not so much. It really depends on how one sees their new chapter unfolding in front of their eyes.
I've just completed my supplementary paper and it felt really good. The paper was really easy... I mean, it is the exact copy as the sample paper given to me last year. I've been studying that for the entire month, imagine my joy when i saw the paper repeat itself. That was one of the funniest and laziest moments in my quest for education excellence. So i literally wrote down everything i memorized and submitted the paper just over one hour. Even the invigilator was shocked... Haha...
The following weekends after the exam was extremely enjoyable. I joined two very lovely ladies, whom i'm friends with for five years, to visit an science and art exhibition. Learnt quite alot in that exhibition and discovered more about the human life. We were joined later by another couple whom was part of the clique that hung out often. We ate and had drinks, chat and laughed. There were so many funny moments, i simply can't type them all. Love those great sessions with them and im sure there will be plenty more ahead.
As the following week begins, i started helping out with my parents' office. Life there isn't as bad as i always think... Maybe when i was there, i didn't have anything constructive to do. So now with some responsibilities and work assigned, it is definitely much more 'enjoyable' then previously. Now i'm just passing each day, doing what i need to do and finding a suitable job for myself. Hoping to start my career soon and save up for all the big ticket items in life.
I've just completed my supplementary paper and it felt really good. The paper was really easy... I mean, it is the exact copy as the sample paper given to me last year. I've been studying that for the entire month, imagine my joy when i saw the paper repeat itself. That was one of the funniest and laziest moments in my quest for education excellence. So i literally wrote down everything i memorized and submitted the paper just over one hour. Even the invigilator was shocked... Haha...
The following weekends after the exam was extremely enjoyable. I joined two very lovely ladies, whom i'm friends with for five years, to visit an science and art exhibition. Learnt quite alot in that exhibition and discovered more about the human life. We were joined later by another couple whom was part of the clique that hung out often. We ate and had drinks, chat and laughed. There were so many funny moments, i simply can't type them all. Love those great sessions with them and im sure there will be plenty more ahead.
As the following week begins, i started helping out with my parents' office. Life there isn't as bad as i always think... Maybe when i was there, i didn't have anything constructive to do. So now with some responsibilities and work assigned, it is definitely much more 'enjoyable' then previously. Now i'm just passing each day, doing what i need to do and finding a suitable job for myself. Hoping to start my career soon and save up for all the big ticket items in life.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Lost and Found
The past 25 years of my life, i've always believed that my life is like a roller coaster. There is always up and down but the ride that is all that matters. My Industrial Experience or FYP project in Melbourne was a perfect example.
There is always ups and downs when dealing with the project; not just the project itself but as well as the client. The client gave me problems and issues and always pose me with challenges that the team and I took on whole-heartedly. And with that, i always tell my team that any good thing that happens, a bad thing will happen soon either.
So back to my life... There has been the good and the bad. Personally, i feel that every good that happens, there is bound to be a bad that is coming up somewhere. It's just a imagination how big the bad is gonna be, judging from the previous good. And recently, among all the good that had happened, a loved one past away like a lighted candle in the wind.
It wasn't something i can handle at first, i can't accept the fact. The fact that the first and last time i get to see her was a place so significant. Time and fate didn't allow me to make us meet. Everytime i returned from Melbourne, i would make a point to visit her. But this time, things didn't turn out that way...
I can still remember the words when my Mum broke the news to me over the phone. I can still remember the nurse who showed me the door to the mortuary. I can still remember running, unable to picture what is going on in my mind, but all i want to is to speak to her one last time.
And when i arrived there, all i see is her... Being wrapped up with plastic, all lifeless and cold. The fiery temper, the flame in the heart, the warm glow in the eyes... All gone. I can't accept the fact that that is the last time i'm gonna see her. That she still believes that i'm still in Melbourne. Perhaps my Dad might have told her that i'm back but i doubt she believes him since she does get confused with my brother. I didn't get to make her smile one last time...
The next few days during the wake was not an easy task for me. From staying up and making sure that things are taken care of to controlling my tears and following all the rites and rituals. I'm not a person that knows what to do or follows a religion, but i do know that these are what i should do as a final respect for her. Family and friends came down, they are the ones that supported me during that dark period. I realise, if i just kept to myself, i'll most probably give up on everything.
After so much, i'm so glad i found someone who would stand by me and help me carry on. She gave me the strength, and hope to move on. Without her support, i would have still grovelled up on my bed, still unable to accept the fact. A fact that Time is something we cannot stop for them, but treasure every moment we have with them.
There is always ups and downs when dealing with the project; not just the project itself but as well as the client. The client gave me problems and issues and always pose me with challenges that the team and I took on whole-heartedly. And with that, i always tell my team that any good thing that happens, a bad thing will happen soon either.
So back to my life... There has been the good and the bad. Personally, i feel that every good that happens, there is bound to be a bad that is coming up somewhere. It's just a imagination how big the bad is gonna be, judging from the previous good. And recently, among all the good that had happened, a loved one past away like a lighted candle in the wind.
It wasn't something i can handle at first, i can't accept the fact. The fact that the first and last time i get to see her was a place so significant. Time and fate didn't allow me to make us meet. Everytime i returned from Melbourne, i would make a point to visit her. But this time, things didn't turn out that way...
I can still remember the words when my Mum broke the news to me over the phone. I can still remember the nurse who showed me the door to the mortuary. I can still remember running, unable to picture what is going on in my mind, but all i want to is to speak to her one last time.
And when i arrived there, all i see is her... Being wrapped up with plastic, all lifeless and cold. The fiery temper, the flame in the heart, the warm glow in the eyes... All gone. I can't accept the fact that that is the last time i'm gonna see her. That she still believes that i'm still in Melbourne. Perhaps my Dad might have told her that i'm back but i doubt she believes him since she does get confused with my brother. I didn't get to make her smile one last time...
The next few days during the wake was not an easy task for me. From staying up and making sure that things are taken care of to controlling my tears and following all the rites and rituals. I'm not a person that knows what to do or follows a religion, but i do know that these are what i should do as a final respect for her. Family and friends came down, they are the ones that supported me during that dark period. I realise, if i just kept to myself, i'll most probably give up on everything.
After so much, i'm so glad i found someone who would stand by me and help me carry on. She gave me the strength, and hope to move on. Without her support, i would have still grovelled up on my bed, still unable to accept the fact. A fact that Time is something we cannot stop for them, but treasure every moment we have with them.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
A New Beginning
I've not blogged for quite awhile... Ever since then, there were plenty of ups and downs in my life. There were new friends made and plenty of things seen and done. But i think this chapter of my life has come to an end. Though the ending is not as i predicted, it still has to end.
As i slowly prepare my departure from this country for good, i begin to have this mixed feeling of miss and absence. There are so many things and places i'll miss. But of them all, the friends i've made here would be on the top of things. I'll miss them the most.
It is my friends that made this place a brighter place. Where boring nights turn into small parties, where hitting the clubs seems wilder and even when drinking water seems sweeter. There will be no such thing as my place anymore, it will be my parent's place. There will be a huge change when i open my fridge, there won't be a stockpile of beer but food. Real food. No more chips and biscuits for lunch. Or an occasional beer at 2pm in the day. There will be changes... Big changes to my lifestyle.
As they say, all good things must come to an end. I don't look forward to the end but i will always remember the good times i had here. All the fun times and the crazy times. Melbourne, will always feel like a second home to me. A place where i can always feel welcome. I'll return to this place often, so much so that it might just bankrupt me. By then, i guess i'll just have to figure a way to either decide to stay in Singapore or Melbourne for the rest of my life.
As i slowly prepare my departure from this country for good, i begin to have this mixed feeling of miss and absence. There are so many things and places i'll miss. But of them all, the friends i've made here would be on the top of things. I'll miss them the most.
It is my friends that made this place a brighter place. Where boring nights turn into small parties, where hitting the clubs seems wilder and even when drinking water seems sweeter. There will be no such thing as my place anymore, it will be my parent's place. There will be a huge change when i open my fridge, there won't be a stockpile of beer but food. Real food. No more chips and biscuits for lunch. Or an occasional beer at 2pm in the day. There will be changes... Big changes to my lifestyle.
As they say, all good things must come to an end. I don't look forward to the end but i will always remember the good times i had here. All the fun times and the crazy times. Melbourne, will always feel like a second home to me. A place where i can always feel welcome. I'll return to this place often, so much so that it might just bankrupt me. By then, i guess i'll just have to figure a way to either decide to stay in Singapore or Melbourne for the rest of my life.
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