Heavy Heavy Day

Today was not the usual stressful day. It was a day filled with tiredness, boredom, stress and laughter. As usual, woke up early in the morning for school. Went school and attended the lesson on the dot. Just came in when the lecturer started his lesson. Sat down and listened to what he have to say. Having test next week. Not sure whether to score for this or just do it for the sake of it. Breakfast was taken during his lesson. As usual. During our lunch break, i stayed in the lab and played some games. Lunchtime was assigned too early for us. So i pushed back to later. Went up to my lab to continue my project. I sat down and reviewed on what we have done and what we still need to do. I realised that we have done most of it but left with all the difficult parts. It was really stressful to look into every problem when you have not even solved your own. One momment im looking at this page, analyzing the error. The next momment, i helping the other to explain the logic and the coding material. When i got back to my desk, i only had a few minutes of thinking for my problem. Before i can come up with any solution, im being called upon again. Im like so... ARGHZ!! Keep losing my track of thoughts. I wonder when i led this team, did i sink myself into something that would make myself commit suicide. The guys left early and i sat a little longer to think of my problem. But by that time, im totally exhausted and unable to think anymore. I sat there, blankly looking at the screen. Totally lost. I couldn't take it anymore, i shut down my com and left for home. On my way home, i realised that there is a perimeter fence made up. I have enjoyed the shortcut since the start of the school. Now they are going to fence up the area and i have to walk around it. It sucks to the core...

Being a leader, something that is quite normal for me. I have taken up numerous leadership roles in this lifetime. Being a leader is not easy. Able to keep the teammates together to work for the common goal is a skill that combines alot of different skills together. Are you able to practice tact to keep the members happy. Are you able to think faster and logically before committing to any move suggested by the team members. Are you able to oversee their actions. Are you able to let them keep the glory when the team succeed and take all the blame when everything fail. I have tried. I have experienced all. I can tell you, being a leader is not a good thing. This society reward the leaders. If you are a good leader, you will be rewarded. But i realise something, when you receive the award, you must be able to withstand even more responsibility. Being a leader is stressful and tiring enough, being an awarded leader is even worse. You got to live up to the award expectations... Else you will be branded a fake.

Tired of leading...