In-blog Entertainment pt. 2

A NUS graduate found himself difficult to get a job here. He finally accepted the offer to work with Mandai Zoo.

"What to do? It's better to work like this than earning nothing...", mumbling to himself.

So since that day, the IT grad started work acting as a monkey. He has to wear monkey suit and mask, chew nuts and eat bananas. He has to climb trees too and jump from one to another to attract visitors. The zoo has since then enjoyed tremendous business due to the increase in visitors. Even SM Lee wanted to see the super 'smart' monkey in the world.

Unfortunately, one day when he was jumping from the trees. He fell down
into a crocodile pool!

"Oh my God....I'm dying... now" he thought, as a hungry looking crocodile swam steadily towards his direction.

In the middle of his struggle, suddenly he heard a soft voice...

"Don't be afraid my friend... I'm from NTU".

Heard of graduates serving tea in offices, but dressing up as animals??

In-blog Entertainment

Time for some witty remarks, absurd situations and those 'i-want-to-hit-you' stories.
Red ones are my comments.

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
One way to make your husband feels like a total idiot.

Jenn: Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Jenn : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask I can take this train to Kuala Lumpur.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
Only happens in Malaysia. Definitely in Malaysia.

Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Penang in two days time?
Post Master : Well it might do.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Johor.
Okie, this has to be in Singapore.

A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order." The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honour, I'll have a scotch and soda."
After this, try pleading for a death sentence.

Chris and Peter were in the cinema. Chris was talking and talking and talking, totally disturbing Peter enjoying the show. Peter could not take it anymore and waited for the right momment...
Chris: Hey Peter! Did you see that?? DID YOU SEE THAT?!?!
Peter: No Chris. I paid $8.50 to stare at the f**king floor.
Because the F-word means so much more.

Jane : Do you love me?
Peter : Yes Dear.
Jane : Would you die for me?
Peter : No, mine is undying love.
Awwwww...

Bloody Buggers

Stop bugging me guys... I know i still owe you guys a dinner, an expensive one. Relax... That does not mean that i will migrate to an overseas country. Sheez... I always keep my promises, never made any empty ones. But please... Do not take this chance to get me killed in the process. I still got bills and transport fees to pay, not counting the lunch and dinner money. Lastly, i still have to save up for the future, either is for marriage, education or investment. If you guys are reading this, please stop bugging me. When we meet up again, i will pick up the tab. I promise...

Don't Bug MEEEEE!!!

Happy World Scout Day

Yesterday is the International World Scout Day. I celebrate it during my primary and secondary days. Even now as im not a registered scout, i still celebrate with a couple of my close brothers and sisters in the Scouting and Guiding life. Even though we have seperated, we will always remember the times where we spend our time together. The fun and laughter. It is this comradeship, that brings me closer to my friends. This comradeship made them my brothers and sisters. I still my days in the Scouting life. I miss playing with ropes, chopping wood, setting up tents and singing in a circle around the campfire. I still remember the camps i went, the camps that i represented my school. I still remember wearing my uniform, waiting at one corner on a National Day Parade at school for an award. The most prestigious award that all the uniform group members would want to get. The Best Unit award. I still remember the celebrations my brothers and sisters prepared when i came back with the award. But i will never forget the faces of the other uniform groups student leaders, those jealous and envy looks. Hahaha... I miss those days. Miss those golden days. I promise myself, one day i will go back and learn the ropes all over again. I will do what i like. Attend camps, go hiking, go camping in the wilderness and build structures.

World Scout Day...

Boring Seminar At MS HQ

Im actually using the net service here in Microsoft HQ. The seminar im attending now is very boring. They are going through the technical stuff. I came here to understand how the software works, i do not need to know how you code it or how you configure it. What a waste of time. Compared to being in the office, here is ranked higher on the list of bored places. Last night had a wonderful time at one of my buddies place. We finally got together after so long of absence. It was like an neverending session with them. I enjoyed it even more when i managed to get some extra spending money. If you know what i mean... Muahahaha... If you guys are reading this, i know what to do.

No money problems...

Tears In Heaven

I changed the layout for the first time. There are still some default things and i have not changed them yet. I will change them slowly. Why the sudden change, someone asked me. My blog almost a year old, of course have to get new clothes for it right? For the Chinese, they belive in wearing new clothes for the new year. Well, im Chinese and i changed my blog layout. Hope the new year would be better for it. Next question was why is it this title? Tears In Heaven is a song that i liked very much since i was a small kid. My Dad introduced me the artiste. This song had a special meaning. It was written for his dead son. His son passed away at a very young age. So as he continues with life, he believes that his son also grows up in heaven. The song describes the agony, the sadness when he leaves this world. It also tells about what will happen when he goes to heaven. Will his son remember him? Will his son know his name? Will his son call him 'Dad' when he see him? It will be very sad if he does not.

So what has that got to do with me? I do not have a son, neither am i going to heaven soon. But i believe that if anyone close to you passes away, would you wish that when you step into heaven they would acknowledge you? Would you want them to remember you? I do. My grandfather passed away for more than 10 years. Till date i still missed him alot. I think of him when i see the gift he gave me. It is still in my room. Everytime i see him, i remember the scene where i see the whole process of his death. I was devasted. Nothing else in that point of my life grabbed me and put me into the harsh reality. Overnight, i just lost one of my most favourite and closest relative. Seeing him falling to his knees with blood everywhere. Held on to him till he fell to the floor, not moving at all. When the paramedics came, he is still not moving. I held on to his hands, tears just flowed down like rain,wishing so much he would touch my face again. Wishing so much he could call my name again. I called out to him. So loudly, so very loudly. But nothing helped, he just slipped away from my hands. There is so much i want to show him, so much i want to tell him. It just ended like this. Now all i wish is that when i leave this place. If i ever go to heaven, i want to find him and give him a big hug. I want to tell him how much i miss him. I want to tell him all the things i have done, all the achievements i have and let him know i had a wonderful life on earth. I will always keep him in my heart and never let him go.

Love you, Grandfather...

Commando Assesment

That lousy pink form... Send me to such a far away camp to do some physcial check and medical check. Although my physical is not very good, but there is a check on the psychomoto thigie. The softer side of your physical, eg. balance, agility, flexibility, etc. I did the softer side well. Some even to the best. Haha... The worse part about the assesment is the questions. Sat at the auditorium for two hours to finish almost 300 questions. Check our IQ, our ways to handle stress and our personality. Very boring. When it all ended, we waited for our bus to send us back to civilization. When the bus came, i saw two friends who are sent to this assesment too. Haha... Hope they do well. People ask me whether i want to go in. I do want to go far. This is the only 2 years of my life that i will ever get to do things that other normal people will not get to. Try everything, learn as much as possible and come out with lots of stories to tell the younger generation. So whether i go into the Commando Unit, does not matter to me. As long i do not get into a boring vocation, im fine with it.

Far, Far Away...

Same Same; But Different

Working for the Microsoft Partner company has its perks. Today Boss invited us to the Microsoft Business Solutions lunch. The whole company is invited. All of us are splited up so we sat with strangers. But Boss and Boss Wife sat with people they knew. Those Microsoft big shots. Me... I sat with a couple of Indian nationals and some uncles. My colleague got a better seat. His table got three beautiful ladies. It is his blessing to even get their namecards. Haha... After lunch, we went back to the office to continue our work. It was pretty boring, but i endured it and went home in one piece.

Hope you guys like the previous entry of my creative writing. I will try another one now. This one will explain my gradtitude to what we have.

Sense
We have eyes, but the blind see more than us.
We have ears, but the deaf hears more than us.
We have tongues, but we mute express more views than us.
If we are blind, deaf and mute, would that make us treasure our lives more?

I find that this kind of sucks. Trying out, so please be kind to me...

Blind, Deaf, Mute...

Mission: Intolerable

Today is a stressful day. I have been given commands to do alot of things at such a short time. Marketing department ask me to help out, IT department wants me to do some minor research, Boss Wife wants me to help her entertain clients. ARGHZ!!! Im one person and i only work for nine hours a day. More than that, you talk to my LO. Pay me $400 and ask me to work like you pay a full-time staff. After two months working there, i still keep the same thinking i had before i started ITP. Paying little for a professional. I do think that we Poly students are professionals. We are trained for a particular industry. That is our profession. Today as i entertain a few clients, two of them are Poly graduates. They are now mid-level management people. Young, single and half-rich. I say half-rich because they are earning more than they are spending. The rich are the ones that earn so much, they will take a long time to spend their money. So i chatted with them and ask them for advice on remaining at the spot where they are. Both of them told me different things, but i realise one thing. Both of them hung on to it like their lives depend on it. I think that is the attitude that the higher people wants to see. I will keep that in mind when i finish my Army days and go on to work.

Less work please...

This is Where I Belong

I got home finally. Yesterday night when my parents are having dinner, i entered home with all the memories and gifts for everyone. My Dad was just happy that i got home in one piece. No sickness, no injuries. My Mum scolded me and gave me hell. She nag and nag. Non-stop... Used to it... Well... As a punishment for not spending LNY with them, we have agreed on terms that they will freeze my allowances for the next six months. But the money will be put inside an account for investment. I see it as i gain more, i do not spend it and i may get to double the amount. So for the next six months, i will be very broke. Now my bank account left with only $20plus. Living on the ITP allowance now... Spent every cent i have on my trip. It feels so good to be back. When i have my computer, my bed and PS2. When i came back, my room is a total mess. My brother took friends over and bombard my room. Man... I almost strangled him and squeeze the living hell out of him. I was so tired and i had to work today, so i bathed and slept.

I bought a book during my wait at the Bangkok airport when i was waiting for my flight home. I took transits. That book taught me about creative writing. How to use words and analogies or examples to explain a certain meaning and express it for others to understand. I shall try it now.

The Wait
The Ugly Duckling waited for winter to become a beautiful swan.
Cinderella waited for the right fit.
Snow White waited for revival with seven of her midget friends.
Sleeping Beauty waited for the one to awake her.
Jasmine waited for Aladdin to tell her the truth.
Rapunzel waited till her hair grew long for her freedom.
Belle waited for Beast to realise true love.
The Frog Prince waited days and nights for the one who will free him from his misery.

So am I...

Hope you understand...

Destination: Home

Im now at the airport waiting for my flight back home. I always have alot of patience waiting. But i discovered that waiting for the flight is really taxing on me. Im tired, i carry alot of stuff. How i wish now i would lie on my bed and rest my head on my pillows. Before i can get to do that, i guess i will have endless torment dealt out by my parents. Flight now is on boarding status, i still have another 20mins more. Shall give this up and let the children play with it.

Just Lose It

I attended church today. Even though i do not understand what the pastor was talking about all the time, i know that the spread of the religious knowledge is good here. A place where the buddhists stand so much advantage and so many are in that religion. Im not stating that i do not like the other religions, but just fascinated at how a minute community is able to survive in such a concentrated nation. After church, i went to find food. Cheap food. Im beginning to run out of cash. There is always this tempt to use the money for my flight back home. But i always consider the consequences before ever touching the money.

In Chiang Mai, life is always so simple. A pizza the size of the large pan pizza from Pizza Hut cost only $9. In Singapore, that would bring me up to $20 over. Food here is cheap, no wonder the ang mohs here are eating like they have not eaten for weeks. Even more surprising is this... Mineral water cost more than carbonated drinks. In Singapore, i think this will never ever happen. Now i guess if i can't bring the physical item home, i would take a photo and bring it back home. Some time i would think what my parents would do to me when i arrive home. Will they kill me or miss me alot? I hope it is the former. It has been some time that my mom killed me. They still do not know where am i... Unless those that knew told them already. I hope they would not turn to the police for a missing boy. Even though, im sure they would be able to locate me via the immigration records. I would know the truth when i arrive at Changi Airport with a couple of policemen to escort me. If so, i wonder will they confiscate all the pirated DVDs i buy?

Coming back soon...

Im Not Lost, Just Finding Myself

Im sorry if you guys are messaging me over the holidays and stuff, and for those that got calls from my parents. Im actually not in SG. Right now, im sitting in this lousy internet cafe with a super lousy computer. Hey... What do you expect for paying 45 cents per hour of net usage? I guess only the ang mohs sitting around me would have more patience than me. Cut to the point, i am now in Chiang Mai, Thailand. I came here alone, not with a group, not with my family. I spent LNY eve and the first two days alone in this foreign country. Eerything is so cheap, makes you feel like you are spending alot but when its actually very little. Yesterday i spent the night in Laos, i decided to move from here and visit the Golden Triangle. But after the night at Laos, i guess the fear inside me came out. I was trembling with fear. Literally... Alone in that room, only a single lamp on top and screams of women outside the budget hotel. What am i saying... Hotel?!?! More like a tourist prison! I did not sleep the whole night. This morning, i took a bus and came back to Chiang Mai. Bus journey was long, but at least my chances of coming back is more.

I soon realise that this trip is very different from my last backpacking trip. This trip was suppose to escape reality. What reality? The life in Singapore. I can still remember the conversation i had with the guy at the mobile bar(YES!! A mobile bar!!). He is a university graduate and now selling drinks to tourists. As i sat at the counter, i looked at the prices of the drinks. 50 bhat for a shot of Vodka, estimated at S$2.50. I thought a cup or two would help me sleep through. But as i go on, some ang mohs are shocked to see a guy half of their age drinking more than they do. Near 2am, the bartender had earned almost 800 baht from me. Just one night, i drank more than any customer compared. He asked me how i trained myself to drink that much. I said, when im happy i drink, when im sad i drink. In happiness i drink to remember, in sadness i drink to forget. After that, i just put 1000 baht on table and walked off.

If anyone got important things to find me, just email me. I will get back to you soon. If i ever get back...

Sooooooo Sloooooooooooow...

Life here is going so slow. I check my watch before i do something. After completing it, i check it again. BOLLOCKS!! I just used 20 minutes on that simple task. I was intending to use the entire hour. Well... Life travels very slowly when you are bored, tired and have nothing much to do. Usually we got things piled up to do, but due to the upcoming Lunar New Year, nothing much is being done. Not much calls are coming in and not much things to do either. Maybe i contact my colleugue to sign me up for another boring lesson of recorded web lesson.

Lunar New Year

After keeping my blog for so long, i realise that it had not been through a Lunar New Year at all. While, this year would be it's first time. Today at work was pretty boring. But it was not all dull and drag for the entire day. Lunch was paid by Boss. But it was not catered. In the end, the Boss Wife pass me $50 and ask me to take orders from the staff. All of a sudden, i become lunchboy... Walked all the way to the foodcentre and bought the packed lunches. During lunch, Boss announce why he paid for the food. They got a big client and they are paying the staff for the hardwork they do. I think the $30 plus meal is just measly for the type of revenue the client is paying. I saw one cheque from an old client. They are upgrading their workstations. For upgrading of TWO workstations, they are already paying $11K Singapore dollar. The new client is a MNC and they are using it in Singapore for this year. If it is good, they will use the same system for the six different countries they have invested. If everything goes well, that idea plan will come true in five years from now. That means, when i come back five years time. I will be seeing three times the number of staff in the company. Wow... The company is growing fast. Hope they continue to grow fast but not stinge on the allowance of the Interns. We work just as long, but get paid measly. Even the full time telemarketers get paid double of my amount.

Keep on growing...

Lightning Struck Twice??

Yesterday i was sick, i just recovered a little today and another thing overwhelmed me again. As i end the gruesome day of the working life and head back home, i walked down to my house basement to open the mailbox. As i open it, i saw something pink inside. At first thought, another Lunar New Year card to bless the family. But as i reach in for it and pull it into the close range of my eyes. I realise it was not what i thought. There written using Arial on font 22(estimation); MINISTRY OF DEFENCE. I am shocked to see a letter sent to me from MinDef. So i carried the unopenned and sealed letter to my room. Dropped my stuff, change my clothes and settled down to rest. I stretched out my arm to grab that piece of sealed letter... Wondering what the MinDef wanted me to do? I tear the sides of the letter like the same way i used to open the exam timetable my school always send. There printed clearly that i must report to Pasir Ris MRT at 8.30AM. The first sentence sent me to the brink of hell. My mind was from an anxious mood to a BOLLOCKS mood. I live in the west, you are telling me to travel all the way to Pasir Ris and report 8.30am sharp at the MRT station?!?! Furthermore, i am to have my breakfast before i report! A little note to the Government... I am still schooling and im at my internship. My company is torturing me with all kinds of instruments they have at the office. Now this has to happen. After a few seconds of BOLLOCKS mood, i returned back to reality. A simple peace of mind for 15 seconds and im sent back to BOLLOCKS mood again. The Commando Camp is situated at Changi, so a shuttle service from Pasir Ris is going to bring me there. Does that mean i get a tour of the place im going to die before i go in?? Wow... Like some kind of preview of the latest movie ya? Man... The Commandos. They yield the highest honour and respect. But for now, i guess i just enjoy the time i have till the enlistment date.

Note: If you do not want to end up like me in the Commando Unit, please DO NOT let your little friend jump too high. A law created by a junior of mine at the club last month when we were at Sentosa. He should know who...